Dear Ask a Latina,
I’m a new father to a 10-month-old baby boy and I recently started a new job at a tech company that’s fully remote. I’m excited to have a job where I can still be around my son, but I’m worried that I won’t be able to find a good work-life balance.
I want to support my wife as she earns her teaching certification, but I know that since her hours of training will be less than my 8-hour workday, she’ll have to take on more of the parenting load.
We’ve got a good routine down with my mother helping watch my son for half the day, but I’m worried that I’m asking too much from her. I want her to enjoy being a grandmother and not feel like our personal free daycare.
How do I put my best effort into my job without feeling like I’m letting the other women in my life take on the bulk of the parenting load? I’m used to being available to my son at any time, but when do I need to put my work first?
– Tech Father in Texas
Dear Tech Father,
Congrats on the new job! It’s a tough job market, so it’s understandable that you want to make a good impression. And it sounds important to prioritize doing well as a main source of income.
Childcare comes in many types and forms, and what works for one season of a child’s (or family’s) life may not work for another. So if the setup you have with your mom is working for now, embrace it!
Life is not perfect, and neither are childcare situations.
This scenario will work for a while. As you see signs that it’s no longer a good fit for your mother, wife, or son, start making plans for the next version of childcare. Working from home with a baby looks different than working from home with a toddler, versus working from home with kids.
What Works Now, May Not Later
For example, some families find that grandma does a wonderful job until their kiddos are toddlers. Then, once the toddler is running around and needs potty training help, a better solution may be quality day care. That day care may be great for a couple of years, but then the parents need to move the child due to work location changes, a move, or to find a different type of environment. Add in working from home, and it gets even more complicated.
As the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. Partner with and appreciate the people who help you care for your son. It sounds like you are appreciative, but guilt still comes with being a loving parent.
Ask For Feedback
If you haven’t in a while, ask your mom and wife how they think you’re doing in the help department. You might find they want you to focus on your work and are fine with the arrangement for now.
Or they may have a request or suggestion that you can accommodate without risking not taking care of your duties during work hours.
Focus on Priorities, Not Balance
There’s no perfect balance with work and life, so let’s let that false narrative go. A healthier approach is to consider prioritizing what’s most important each day.
Sometimes, a hot deadline, big work meeting, or important project is the priority for a time. Sometimes, a family emergency, special event or sick child needs to be the priority.
Parenting well means taking care of what matters most day by day, season by season, and scenario by scenario. Reject guilt that’s unsubstantiated and keep finding what works for your family, season by season.
