Dear Ask a Latina,
How does one prepare themselves emotionally and mentally when they are now in the position to begin caring for their aging parents?
– SouthCentralTX Tejana
Dear SouthCentralTX Tejana,
First, let me send you a virtual hug because this journey will be trying. Preparation for caring for aging parents should include some important, proactive steps. We take time to plan for other seasons of life, like getting married or having a baby. We should plan for aging, too.
What makes this type of planning complex is that we’re preparing ourselves to care for the adults who previously cared for us. Plus, convincing our parents to let us help them prepare for aging adds another layer of complexity. Add in siblings, or other vocal familia, and you may have a lot to deal with.
I’ll share a framework for caring for aging parents inspired by the four-step process of strategic communication planning in public relations.
1. Research Their Situation
- What is the current health of your aging parents?
- Is their current living environment a place they can age in place in?
- Do you have siblings or family members who can help with caretaking if or when help is needed?
- Do you have siblings or family members who should be involved in your planning process?
- What is your parents’ financial situation like?
- What is your parents’ health insurance coverage situation like?
- Do you have legal documents in place for them?
- If they do have legal documents in place, do you know where they are located or stored?
- What’s your relationship with your parents like?
- What is their attitude about getting older and their health?
- What kind of emotional, physical or financial support might you need to care for them?
- Do you have a relationship with a counselor or therapist who can help you during this season of life?
Discussing these questions with them (if possible) and finding the answers would help you come up with a plan that may relieve some current or future stress.
2. Create a Plan With Realistic Solutions
Next, you could develop a written plan. Tackle the questions related to finding your individual support and solutions to increase your capacity to manage the upset that is likely to come from parents of a Tejana.
Latino parents care a lot about being respected, so if it’s possible, make choices with your parent(s) about some of their care options so they feel more in control and respected.
Planning allows you to find answers to the questions that come up during the research step. A written plan becomes a guidebook for you and your support team (i.e., siblings, partner, spouse, caregiving pros) to follow when things get emotional, and you’re not sure what to do next.
Having a written plan to refer back to can reduce cognitive clutter and the need to recall information in tough moments. Make this plan a format that works for you and them. It can include lots of details and checklists, or simply be a document with links, phone numbers, and all the information you’d like in one place. Be sure to keep a digital copy and print one out for whoever needs it.
3. Implement the Plan
When it’s time, start putting this plan into action. For example, a strategy might be for your parents to age in their own home.
There are steps you and they can take proactively to prepare the home for them to age in place. Your parents could help with this financially or even physically if this type of work is completed before they are unable to contribute. Their being able to manage some of the steps may improve their outlook on the process.
Tip for storing this and other important documents. Consider setting up a Legacy Drawer to have all the documents in one place.
4. Evaluate and Adjust
Like most aspects of life, some of our best plans don’t work out the way we thought they would. You might hire a contractor who does a shoddy job. You might plan for someone to help out, and they back out.
Understanding that your plan (and mindset) needs to be flexible will help you be more resilient when the unexpected happens. You can figure each step out, and you’ll be more emotionally and mentally fit for this journey if you can develop a plan and you adjust it as needed along the way.
