This question was answered by an expert who could offer guidance on the topic. Thanks, Dr. Erica “Nikki” Martinez! Bio at the bottom.
Dear Ask a Latina,
I’m a Latina who married a Caucasian man. We married late in life. There are distinct differences besides culture, like emotional intelligence, life experience, emphasis on financial responsibility, and most of all, a lack of understanding that family (including Tias/Tios/Primas, etc) comes first, no matter what is happening inside my own household.
Any suggestions on how to help educate him about the latter?
– Forgot to Do Her Homework on Relationships
Dear Forgot to Do Her Homework,
It sounds like one of the biggest challenges in your relationship is navigating different understandings of family responsibility and connection. In many Latine families, there is often a collectivist approach to life, where decisions are made with the larger family system in mind. Extended family relationships may carry deep emotional, cultural, and even spiritual significance. In contrast, many people are raised with a more individualistic mindset, where the primary focus is the couple or immediate household.
Neither approach is inherently right or wrong, but when two people come from different cultural frameworks, misunderstandings can happen quickly if those values are never openly discussed.
I wonder what it would look like for you and your husband to move away from “whose way is correct” and instead explore what family means to each of you.
What responsibilities feel non-negotiable? What boundaries are important? What traditions or expectations feel deeply tied to identity, love, or respect?
I also noticed you mentioned differences in emotional intelligence, life experience, and financial responsibility. That tells me this may be about more than culture alone. It may be helpful for both of you to have a broader conversation about relationship values, expectations, and the type of partnership you want to build together.
One exercise that may help is Brené Brown’s values identification activity. Each of you can identify your core values individually, then come together to discuss where your values align, where they differ, and which shared values you want guiding your marriage moving forward.
The goal is not for one person to abandon their culture or worldview, but for both people to build a relationship culture together.
More Resources
- https://brenebrown.com/resources/dare-to-lead-list-of-values
- https://askalatina.com/balancing-family-expectations-and-personal-boundaries/
- https://askalatina.com/tips-for-setting-boundaries-with-in-laws/
- https://askalatina.com/keep-your-cultural-identity-while-dating/
Guest Author Bio
Dr. Erica “Nikki” Martinez is a therapist, professor, and creator of Healería, an approach that blends culturally rooted healing with real, beyond-surface-level therapy. She helps cycle-breakers and recovering high-achieving women understand their patterns, reconnect with themselves, and move with intention. She is also the owner of Soul Power Therapy.
