Dear Ask a Latina,
I am married to a Mexican immigrant. I am a first generation Mexican-American. I did not know that some Mexican men are overly attached to their moms. My husband is one of them.
I am conflicted because on the one hand, that is a beautiful thing for a man to love his mother so deeply. But it also seems overkill to talk on FaceTime for like an hour to two at a time. He also calls her “corazón.”
Am I the asshole for thinking this is weird? Is it that I’m jealous of their close bond?
I will add that my suegra was clearly hostile towards him getting married. My cousin overheard her joke to someone on our wedding day that it was too late for him to call it off. So definitely mean suegra vibes for the first several years. It’s been 10 years now and she’s finally warmed up to me.
I feel the strong mother-son attachment drove a wedge in our relationship. I think my husband is afraid to disappoint his mom so he constantly makes himself available to her. Am I justified to feel a certain way about this?
-Confused 1st Gen Married to an Immigrant
Dear Confused,
You’re not an asshole.
You’re entitled to your feelings and have context (hello wedding day) and reasons (hello long FaceTimes) to feel like your space is being encroached.
As a mother, I can appreciate their close bond. However, the mother-son relationship should evolve over time as the son grows up and marries. Because I don’t know if there are any factors where your suegra may need more extra support right now, I’ll just suggest that it’s time to have a conversation about finding a more comfortable way forward with your husband. Ask about making changes that feel like musts.
For example, can he stop calling her “corazon”?
Or can he limit call times to a certain day of the week for a certain amount of time? What adjustments can you request that would make these calls less intrusive?
Think about what your “ask” is for your husband. Approach that conversation with care and love, and be ready to compromise. It’s great that your mother-in-law has warmed to you. Appreciate that your husband is caring, but help him consider setting boundaries that keep him connected to his mother without feeling obligated to set you aside for her.
